The Accidental Hedonist Makes a Point

So, I regularly follow Accidental Hedonist (because food and I have a lifelong, mutually beneficial and gratifying relationship).

She makes a fantastic point today about Spinach and the FDA. Go on now, click on that link...

I like my job. I am a dork.

"You've achieved success in your field when you don't know whether what you're doing is work or play."
(warren beatty)

it's my favorite day of the month.

it's the day when my eMusic account renews and I get 90 more downloads to feed my addiction.
But it's music, not crack... so no worries, right?
(and if you like music, and download, and want to find good, non-mainstream stuff, and aren't already on eMusic... come on, now. Come on!)

Things I added to the repertoire today that I'm really quite stoked about:

Johnny Cash -- the complete Sun recordings, v.1 and 2. this ate about half my downloads for the month, but totally worth it. I can't even say anything about Johnny Cash that would do him any justice. You either get it, or you don't.

Stephen Malkmus -- Pig Lib. I've been after some Stephen Malkmus for a while now, thank you 89.3 the Current... it was time (I mean, I have a list of about 150 artists going right now. And honestly, it's the shortest it has been in a long time... but still, 150 artists.)

Cat Power -- The Greatest. I'll be honest. I've been alternately waivering and lusting on this for some time... but music that isn't completely frenetic, more about songwriting and less about feeling like I'm on speed, is making its way into my life, just like comfort in downtempo moments are. Amazing how your music reflects where you are on life's journey.

Ben Lee -- Awake is the New Asleep. This came home based solely on the genius encompassed in The Bens EP. It's so good, I had to round out my Ben collection. Mmm.

M. Ward -- Post-War. M. Ward is another one of those artists I've been noodling on. Mostly because, again... it's a bit downtempo. But as I evolve, and yearn for quietness and rest... let's be honest. I need a soundtrack for my life (I always have) and so I just needed something more than Bonny "Prince" Billy to listen to when I get all kinds of reflective. And M. Ward is good. And his music feeds the creative beast in me. Rawk.

forward-thinking?

So, am I the only one out there who sometimes buys/downloads albums based on a recommendation, and then... do not initially dig the music, but come back to it at a random point in time later, and it speaks to you?

I'm having that experience this morning, listening to Bettye LaVette.

I am almost never led astray when I purchase an album recommended by The Onion's AV Club. Generally, these are my peeps, and overall we agree. So I read the review for Bettye LaVette... probably in January, as I'm scanning the "best of" lists I regularly obsess over at the end of the year/beginning of new year. And I think, well... I dig bluesy-type music. I dig excellent female vocals. And eMusic has it. So let's give it a whirl.

And I promptly download and never think about it again.

But as I'm processing through iTunes today finding something low-key Sunday to listen to, I play her disc, I've Got My Own Hell To Raise. (and well, yah. I do.)

It's real delicious, and it was perfect for this morning, as I was super-crabby and probably not the nicest person to be around (apologies to anyone who was on the receiving end of that...). A large skim moosed latte and some diva-esque blues later, I'm all kinds of better... amen and amen.

To sleepy Sundays and the blues.

more yummies.

Oooh.
I'm real excited to take a listen after reading the Rolling Stone's review for the Dears' latest.
Yumm, indie music. It's as a good as a chocolate coke.

yumm.

Orangina makes my day.

'nuff said.

thank you, Scott Adams, for consistently creating cartoons that mirror my pitiful corporate existence.

squee

Squee (skwee.) (noun, verb, adverb, adjective.)
1. A feeling of childlike delight, generally directed at something trivial.
2. The sound made when expressing said feeling.
3. The act of being childishly delighted at something generally regarded as trivial.
4. The brief moments I live life for.

I'm digging on squee right now.
a) my class this semester rules. It's all systemic and ethereal and transcendent and experiential. yummers.
b) tuesday night rock shows. my goodness. I hope a really solid guitar inspires as much out of my when I'm 80 as it does right now. It completely makes my life worth living.
c) the new iTunes interface kicks. Now I really feel the need to trade in old sparky here (the 20Gb) for a newer model.
d) fall clothes. I don't know why I'm always giddy as a schoolgirl when I dig out the sweaters and corduroys... reason # 0958372 I am a complete and utter dork.
e) Diana and I are going to take a spinning class. And not that insane exercise stuff... (though at some point in time I wouldn't be opposed to that either)... we're going to learn how to make fibers. I love Crafty Planet.

this makes me a little excited.

The Literary Guide to the World.

My God. Travel and the written word. Could there be anything sexier?

belated 9/11 reflections

I didn't much think about 9/11 yesterday. Except to remember that I had strep throat that day and watched all the news coverage pretty high on penicillin and nyquil.

But this article in Salon from today made me think. And audibly say, Amen! a few times.

more song lyrics that speak to me

This has, been said, so many times that I'm not sure if it matters
But we never stood a chance
And I'm not sure if it matters
If you are the shores, I am the waves begging for big moons (moons)
I’m mailing letters to addresses in a ghost town, no oh.

Your secret's out...

I know this hurts, it was meant to (it was meant to)
Your secret's out and the best part is it isn't even a good one
And it's mind over you don't don't matter.

This has, been said, so many times that I'm not sure if it matters
But it must, be said, again, that all us boys are just screaming
Into microphones for attention
Because we're just so bored (oh, oh, oh)
We never knew that you would pick it apart, oh
I'm falling apart to songs about hips and hearts

Your secret's out...

I know this hurts, it was meant to (it was meant to)
Your secret's out and the best part is it isn't even a good one
And it's mind over you don't don't matter.

I used to obsess over living,
Now I only obsess over you
You tell me you'd like boys like me better
In the dark lying on top of you

This has been said so many times that I'm not sure if it matters
This has been said so many times that I'm not sure if it matters (x2)

I know this hurts, it was meant to (it was meant to)
Your secret's out and the best part is it isn't even a good one
And it's mind over you don't don't don't don't matter

From day one I talked about getting out
But not forgetting about
How all my worst fears are letting out
He said "Why put a new address on the same old loneliness?"
When breathing just passes the time
Until we all just get old and die
Now talking's just a waste of breath
And living's just a waste of death
And why put a new address on the same old loneliness?
And this is you and me and me and you
Until we've got nothing left!

in honor of the tattoo I'm noodling

What Celtic Goddess Are You?

You are Brighid.
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whoo moments

So I had a couple of whoo moments this weekend, which I would now like to take a second to document and celebrate.
Lesson learned: It's amazing to come out of a cocoon after 7 years to realize how strong and smart and self-directed you really are.

• Bought a new(ish) car. On my own. No one helped me. I just did it. Now, I didn't get the world's best interest rate. But I still did it *on my own*. All by myself. I am proud.
• I fetched me some low, low-priced pants this weekend. I needed them desperately as I had nothing to wear from this winter... it all went away (I think I was a 16 over last winter... maybe transitioning into a 14.) They are all size 10. I haven't been a 10 since junior high. I am certain, since the 8th grade. I have proven to myself that I can do this. I can be healthy, I can take care of my own body. And I'm worth doing it. And I'm not done... I have 30ish pounds to go. Which means that I'm going to be teensy at some point in time.
  
• I have been relocated for a bit now... and this weekend was the first time I felt like I was coming "home". And when I overslept and missed my Sunday morning walk to Dunn Brothers to get my paper and coffee... I actually missed it. And instead, we went to the Wedge to get groceries in the afternoon... and somewhere down the cereal aisle, it hit me: I bloody *love* city living. I love Minneapolis, I love my place, I love my neighborhoods. I love this city's music and streets and restaraunts and people. I am so, so very home.
• I wrote every single day this weekend. Really good, deep, perfected thoughts that came out slowly and purposefully, and not in fits and starts of frenzied writing inspiration. I love the way my writing self is morphing. I love how disciplining myself to write is creating more meaningful, perfected thoughts.
• I absorbed so much music over the weekend. I went to a show. I spent all day Sunday listening to Ben Folds and Ben Kweller. I could count the times my TV has been on since moving on my fingers. Maybe even on one hand. But my iTunes ranks and play counts are really coming around, getting to be where I want them. Music fuels me, and the more I listen, the more I want. And I'm so thrilled to be getting out to shows, and discovering new (local) music, and rediscovering old loves of music... and wow.
• All this rolls into one whoo: Sarah Green is back. And I really, really like her. She could be one of my favorite people. Ever.
  

aha moment

So that's what it's called.
Stay tuned... I'll be making one of these for me as soon as I can dust off my coding skills.

Preach it, Bill Maher.

I don't like to get terrifically political... really.
But, in light of life these days, I feel a bit compelled to ramble politically for just a moment.

I'll be plain: I'm a pacifist. I don't think fighting, war, killing other people is ever the answer. Go ahead and own a gun, that's fine. If you shoot something, you better be eating it and using its hide for a resourceful purpose. And please don't eat or shoot people. I think that's really pretty wrong.

Our American political climate these past 5ish years has not been one of pacifism (generally, America isn't known globally as the pacifist nation, anyhow...) and so I grow increasingly uncomfortable calling myself an American knowing that this country looks to the rest of the world to be real keen on being "the bomb people". Ew. I don't like being categorized as the bomb people.

So this article in Salon by Bill Maher totally resonated for me. Preach it, Bill.

serendipity

Serendipity is my favorite word. I think it has been since the first grade.
It all started when I read this kids book... it was a Serendipity Book. Serendipity Books are an adorable little children's series that each have a little moral lesson in them.
So the Serendipity Book I fell in love with was Muffin Dragon, and the moral lesson in that one is: when we work together, there's more to share.
The whole point is to teach kids to "deal with the challenges of the world, providing them with positive solutions to difficult problems." (yah!)

At any rate... after getting this book from the library, I asked Mom what Ser-en-dip-i-ty meant. (and frankly, I thought it was real cool that it sounded so much like my name.) So we got it all defined... serendipity is essentially, finding something you didn't know you wanted or needed when you weren't looking for it (or very often, looking for something else.)

I have significant faith in serendipity. The best things I have ever had, I have stumbled upon in the midst of looking for something completely different. This holds true for me when I was 8, and now... looking a very different me at nearly 28 right in the face. I'm feeling real down today, a little discouraged about all life has thrown at me (including how many changes I have chosen to make) and how, while I consider myself a strong in an exceptional way, I am exhausted and feel weak.
But at these times, serendipity seems to work its way into my life, and I find things I'm not looking for... almost like they were looking for me.
I find comfort in odd places.
I find people who mesh with where I am, even if I'm not sure where I am.
I find contentment and peace in strange nooks and crannies of my life, even admidst the chaos.

The serendipity in my life right now is finding a place in my world that's drama-free. And finding a philosophy that living drama-free is IT. I wasn't looking for drama-free... I hadn't even thought about it, because there's a lot of turmoil right now. But what I've found are pockets of my life that now lack drama... that hour I read before I sleep. Mealtimes. Getting ready in the morning. And I can sort of sense that while its all a monkeyjumble right now, drama-free is the light at the end of the tunnel.

I'm delighted by finding the unexpected while I'm looking for something entirely different. And I anxiously anticipate more serendipitousness. It's one of the greatest delights in my life.

reviews of random goodness

etsy.
it's eBay for indie-crafty goodness. sigh. Guess what? If I don't make your christmas gift this year, you better believe it's coming from etsy.

diet lipton green tea.
this stuff is my new crack. Oh, and it's good for you. Find some. Drink some. Be one with the green tea.

meebo.
this is a very cool instant messaging aggregator that is web-based. Which means chat at work is possible. Now, if I can convince my co-workers (especially those who are remote) that we need this... it'd really rock.

Placebo's new song, Infra-red.
This is not at all my normal style of music. But I lovelovelove this song and I sing like a freak when it's on the radio. It's angry, and I'm too busy dealing with life right now to be angry... but some angry listening (and bad radio karoke) is a good enough outlet for me.

Great Harvest Bread Company's cinnamon roll.
oh. my. god.
they are huge, they are sweet, they are made with whole wheat.

brown corduroy pencil skirts.
I am a sexy fall babe. 'nuff said.

whoa.

so I am establishing a(nother) blog, dedicated to getting myself into the discipline of really writing something meaningful every day (it's an internal challenge, and part of this process of reclaiming Essential Sarah).
Anyway, I have always kept my childhood journals with me... they remind me of my roots as a writer; they demonstrate how far I have come; and sometimes, they have wise and valuable lessons inside.

Tonight is one of those nights.

Whoa. moment #1:
I've been reading the rather juvenile ramblings of the 12-14 year old me (it's gone from uncomfortable to merely amusing in recent years)... and as I read, it dawns on me that as long as I have been writing, I have been looking for someone else to fill this void of "love" in me. and look at the nearly 28-year-old me... still looking to fill this stupid void, and all the while I have looked for another human (OK, let's be real here... a boyfriend, a lover, a whatever) to make it go away. And tonight, I realize something life-altering, perhaps: No person is ever going to fill this gaping, fucking void. It's a hole I either have to patch myself, or alternately, live with, in absence of healing.

Whoa. moment #2:
Check out this note to myself (juxtaposed to my, please love me and make me whole, bent on life...) dated 3 January 1993 (13 years ago, I cannot even believe it. forgive the poor syntax and grammar... I was 14. It's the message in there... I make no claims as to this as a solid piece of writing, because frankly... it isn't.)

it isn't in what you think you want.
it isn't in your conscious loves and desires.
happiness is in your unseen thoughts.
you love the most what you outwardly don't go after,
and if it leaves, you see how much it means.
happiness isn't lots of material possessions
it isn't being the best.

happiness is being your own person, no matter what.

postscript: Tocatta and Fugue in D Minor still inspires me to be an artist.

Sarah says, Read THIS: Hold Fast to Friends

There's something to be said for the blogosphere.
This moved me. And I'm so glad to know there are women out there who understand the real value of our friendships. Not to the devaluation of other relationships... but the point here is true and real: as a woman, having a few deep, strong, true female friendships is sometimes the binding that keeps us a complete story.

freedom

I'm admitting to a real guilty pleasure here... but there's a resonating theme for me in this.
(bonus points if you can a) name the artist and b) not ridicule me for knowing the lyrics.)

I think there's something you should know
I think it's time I told you so
There's something deep inside of me
There's someone else I've got to be
Take back your picture in the frame
Take back your singing in the rain
I just hope you understand
Sometimes the clothes do not make the man