Paper Source
The time to paint my toenails at home, with a basecoat and topcoat
Anything bought at Lush
Berries with fresh cream
Getting my groceries bagged
The days John fills my car with gas so I don't have to
RealSimple
Cashmere-lined leather gloves on winter mornings
Crabtree & Evelyn hand cream
A new fountain pen, notebook, and set of highlighters for a new semester
19.1.06
Honored, Humbled, Horrified
Last night when I was working out, I was asked join a weight-loss class offered by my gym next Wednesday, to share the story of my health journey -- my secrets to eating right, working out, and losing 48 pounds.
ME!
Completely humbled, I accepted. I am absolutely honored to think that I am an inspiration to any other woman embroiled in the struggle with her own body. Yet as I noodled this, a sense of horror crept through me. 1) I'm not "there". I have 39 pounds left to go to get to MY goal (and not even the goal the doctor would probably set for me.) 2) I'm horrified that there are so many facets to this problem for women:
ME!
Completely humbled, I accepted. I am absolutely honored to think that I am an inspiration to any other woman embroiled in the struggle with her own body. Yet as I noodled this, a sense of horror crept through me. 1) I'm not "there". I have 39 pounds left to go to get to MY goal (and not even the goal the doctor would probably set for me.) 2) I'm horrified that there are so many facets to this problem for women:
- advertising images
- the celebrity standards to which we hold ourselves
- the female competitive factor
- the barbie mentality
- the physical characterstics of being a woman (especially if you are a woman who has children)
That environment makes a mental model of a healthy woman nearly impossible to conceive. The BMI and recommended weight ranges doctors tout don't make sense. I have just lost 48 pounds, and according to the CDC, I am still OBSESE. I should weigh between 107-145 pounds for my height. Broad as it may be, the last time I fell within that range, I was still trying to figure out the combination to my 6th grade locker.
Fact: women are built really differently.
Consider this: When I carried 30 more pounds on my body, I wore the same size as 2 friends who were 15 and 35 pounds lighter than me, and 3 and 6 inches taller than me, respectively. 48 pounds later, I now am a comparative weight to one of those friends, and again, wear 2-3 sizes smaller.
So... that means I am a heavy freak of nature? I'm incredibly tone? Those broad-boned Scottish genes have doomed me to not ever, ever fit into the "ideal" weight range chart?
All that anecdotal evidence for this point: for me, losing weight, eating right, exercising... none of it is about being the next Nicole Kidman. None of it is about getting to be a size 4 (by the way, I went from a size 16 girls in the 4th grade to a size 6 misses in the 5th grade, and I really don't anticipate ever looking like an elementary-school pubescent girl again...). What this journey is about, is making peace with this body, about loving me enough as a size 14, a size 12, whatever I end up being, to take care of myself by eating right and exercising and etc. -- and about being healthy and happy and giving this home for my soul a chance at longevity.
So I think this is what I need to tell the women of Curves next week: you can do this... it is an amazing journey to a part of yourself you never thought existed.
But do it for the right reasons: because you love yourself enough to be true to the amazing, beautiful, uniquely perfect woman who lives inside you... whether she's a size 14 or a 4.
no better birthday present
some may know this, and some may not -- but I have spent the better part of the last 6 months embroiled in a world of discovery about my own body. With the diagnosis of a metabolic disorder that links to very nearly every other health problem I have encountered, I have been piecing together how this body I live in works, what makes it tick, what it likes, doesn't like, etc. It's been an amazing journey; I was just thinking last night how bizarre it is to be 27 years old and just now discovering the physical place where my mind and soul reside.
Part of this discovery have been about discovering health: eating the right kinds of foods, making peace with my body shape, discovering the joy in exercise, finding who I am as a healthy person (now that my blood sugar and metabolism have been brought within normal levels of human functioning, this is a much easier journey...)
The birthday present on my scale this morning was the best I could ever ask for. It was a weight I hadn't seen since my freshman year in college. I put on pants today that I haven't been able to wear since I was 18 years old -- 9 years ago.
I'm not there yet... I have 39 more pounds to go. But leaving 48 pounds in my 26th year, and looking forward to a future that is at peace with a healthy, regulated, cared-for body... there is no better birthday present.
Part of this discovery have been about discovering health: eating the right kinds of foods, making peace with my body shape, discovering the joy in exercise, finding who I am as a healthy person (now that my blood sugar and metabolism have been brought within normal levels of human functioning, this is a much easier journey...)
The birthday present on my scale this morning was the best I could ever ask for. It was a weight I hadn't seen since my freshman year in college. I put on pants today that I haven't been able to wear since I was 18 years old -- 9 years ago.
I'm not there yet... I have 39 more pounds to go. But leaving 48 pounds in my 26th year, and looking forward to a future that is at peace with a healthy, regulated, cared-for body... there is no better birthday present.
16.1.06
reasons I might be done with winter
1) I'm feeling a little edgy about the weather. "Why is it so cold every morning?..." even though it's 30 degrees all day long and it hasn't snowed in weeks and we haven't seen sub-zero since early December, and I haven't even had to scrape frost off my car in well over a week.
2) The melting snow in the backyard has inched away from the house enough to reveal some dormant grass and garden. and I sooo want to be out there planting stuff right now.
3) I started thinking about my flip-flops when I went to the spa this weekend and saw women getting pedicures. Now I cannot stop thinking about sandals.
4) We have this atrium thing at my office, where there is a hug skylight and plants and people go out there to meet or talk on their cell phones or whatever (it's a great little place). Anyway, the plant guy was out there watering the plants, and the gentle rushing of the water over the broadleaf plants made me want to look up airline fares to Florida.
5) Barbara told me that she got some thorough cleaning done this weekend. So I started a spreadsheet of what I want to do when I can spring clean.
2) The melting snow in the backyard has inched away from the house enough to reveal some dormant grass and garden. and I sooo want to be out there planting stuff right now.
3) I started thinking about my flip-flops when I went to the spa this weekend and saw women getting pedicures. Now I cannot stop thinking about sandals.
4) We have this atrium thing at my office, where there is a hug skylight and plants and people go out there to meet or talk on their cell phones or whatever (it's a great little place). Anyway, the plant guy was out there watering the plants, and the gentle rushing of the water over the broadleaf plants made me want to look up airline fares to Florida.
5) Barbara told me that she got some thorough cleaning done this weekend. So I started a spreadsheet of what I want to do when I can spring clean.
We still seek social justice
Segregation is the adultery of an illicit intercourse between injustice and immorality.
Martin Luther King Jr. (1929 - 1968)
Martin Luther King Jr. (1929 - 1968)
13.1.06
Why we don't use Google as a crystal ball
From a recent post on a friend's mySpace:
"Find out how you end your life, the Google way. Go to Google, type "(your name) was killed by" and see what the end of life holds in store for you. Remember to use the quotations marks, else it won’t work."
The options if you are me:
Sarah was killed by a drunk driver (I knew there was a reason John wanted me home before last call...)
Sarah was killed by a hit-and-run accident on the day that she was supposed to re-marry Bo (wait, when did I marry Bo the first time?)
Sarah was killed by a train in Japan at the age of 23 (hrm... that makes my 27th birthday celebration at the end of the month less meaningful, doesn't it...)
Sarah was killed by a traumatic head injury (from repeatedly beating my head against the wall in a vain attempt to understand this modern democracy, no doubt.)
Sarah was killed by Indians, July 18, 1692 (ouch.)
Sarah was killed by “friendly fire” in a cafeteria shoot out (the real question is, was is the canned peas or the heavy-syrup peaches that did me in?)
Sarah was killed by train in Boston (mommy.)
Sarah was killed by the Germans during the September 1941 mass shooting action in Eisiskes (and they said the Holocaust never happened...)
Sarah was killed by a steetcar in Santa Anna, California where she was living with her son, Arthur Tucker Young in August3, 1926 (lordy. I must have been hitting the whiskey when I named my son THAT...)
Sarah was killed by another redhead member, Jezebel (this is my personal favorite)
Sarah was killed by a terror organization (blah blah blah, homeland security... first you confiscate my plastic knitting needles and now this...)
Sarah was killed by the kick of a horse (How hard does the horse kick you, and where, before it kills you?)
Sarah was killed by her brother Benjamin (but I don't HAVE a brother...)
Sarah was killed by the very man that killed her sister (that BASTARD!)
Sarah was killed by his cousin, who committed suicide shortly after the crime (serves him right)
Sarah was killed by bushwhackers (#2 on the list, because it says bushwhackers)
Sarah was killed by a convicted pedophile (I told you we needed to move to a safer neighborhood, honey...)
Sarah was killed by a trolley in 1900 (again, someone explain to me the logistics of trolley-slaughter)
Sarah was killed by her father in April 2000 (my God, my whole family is out to get me!)
Sarah was killed by one of the most annoying and stupid Vampires I've ever seen (giggle)
Sarah was killed by her own MOMMY dearest! (Told you so.)
Sarah was killed by a speeding driver who attempted to run a light (Jerk!)
Sarah was killed by electrocution (I threw caution to the wind, ignored the warning label, and blow-dried my hair in the bathtub)
Sarah was killed by her male relatives for loving Rebecka (Good grief! I should have run away from home... my mom, my dad, my brother, his cousin, my male relatives...)
Sarah was killed by the Marauder named Mercury (Not sure what that means, but nice alliteration)
10.1.06
some stuff I said today
I think it's totally ok to give the middle finger to the world in a non-classy moment of anger at current circumstances.
You (and I, and the rest of the world) are just humans, wandering around, trying to be good when we remember, and trying to love people when we feel like it, and trying to make sense of a world that we deep down, really, really want to be master of, but in reality, is hugely and infinitely out of our control. So I think it's completely natural to have perspective one moment and to have a temper tantrum and a brownie in the next.
Be forewarned: if you ever decide to give the perma-finger to the world, the process, the journey (and I'm a little paranoid because I know and love people who have), I'm going to be on you about that. I don't ever set out to be Pollyanna (God help me), but I do set out to always find the deeper purpose in trial... because I guess it's my personal belief that we just don't ever go through trial for the sake of hardship.
[jumps off soapbox]
You (and I, and the rest of the world) are just humans, wandering around, trying to be good when we remember, and trying to love people when we feel like it, and trying to make sense of a world that we deep down, really, really want to be master of, but in reality, is hugely and infinitely out of our control. So I think it's completely natural to have perspective one moment and to have a temper tantrum and a brownie in the next.
Be forewarned: if you ever decide to give the perma-finger to the world, the process, the journey (and I'm a little paranoid because I know and love people who have), I'm going to be on you about that. I don't ever set out to be Pollyanna (God help me), but I do set out to always find the deeper purpose in trial... because I guess it's my personal belief that we just don't ever go through trial for the sake of hardship.
[jumps off soapbox]
6.1.06
4.1.06
a lesson learned
There's something about crying a loved one's tears with them that transcends humanity.
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