Honored, Humbled, Horrified

Last night when I was working out, I was asked join a weight-loss class offered by my gym next Wednesday, to share the story of my health journey -- my secrets to eating right, working out, and losing 48 pounds.

ME!

Completely humbled, I accepted. I am absolutely honored to think that I am an inspiration to any other woman embroiled in the struggle with her own body. Yet as I noodled this, a sense of horror crept through me. 1) I'm not "there". I have 39 pounds left to go to get to MY goal (and not even the goal the doctor would probably set for me.) 2) I'm horrified that there are so many facets to this problem for women:

• advertising images
• the celebrity standards to which we hold ourselves
• the female competitive factor
• the barbie mentality
• the physical characterstics of being a woman (especially if you are a woman who has children)

That environment makes a mental model of a healthy woman nearly impossible to conceive. The BMI and recommended weight ranges doctors tout don't make sense. I have just lost 48 pounds, and according to the CDC, I am still OBSESE. I should weigh between 107-145 pounds for my height. Broad as it may be, the last time I fell within that range, I was still trying to figure out the combination to my 6th grade locker.

Fact: women are built really differently.

Consider this: When I carried 30 more pounds on my body, I wore the same size as 2 friends who were 15 and 35 pounds lighter than me, and 3 and 6 inches taller than me, respectively. 48 pounds later, I now am a comparative weight to one of those friends, and again, wear 2-3 sizes smaller.

So... that means I am a heavy freak of nature? I'm incredibly tone? Those broad-boned Scottish genes have doomed me to not ever, ever fit into the "ideal" weight range chart?

All that anecdotal evidence for this point: for me, losing weight, eating right, exercising... none of it is about being the next Nicole Kidman. None of it is about getting to be a size 4 (by the way, I went from a size 16 girls in the 4th grade to a size 6 misses in the 5th grade, and I really don't anticipate ever looking like an elementary-school pubescent girl again...). What this journey is about, is making peace with this body, about loving me enough as a size 14, a size 12, whatever I end up being, to take care of myself by eating right and exercising and etc. -- and about being healthy and happy and giving this home for my soul a chance at longevity.

So I think this is what I need to tell the women of Curves next week: you can do this... it is an amazing journey to a part of yourself you never thought existed.

But do it for the right reasons: because you love yourself enough to be true to the amazing, beautiful, uniquely perfect woman who lives inside you... whether she's a size 14 or a 4.