annoyed.
Allow me to explain:
We all learn how to handle money in our 20s, right? We all pay the price of that initial credit card you really didn't understand, but thoroughly enjoyed using, in college?
Yes. We all (to one degree or another) get ourselves into the proverbial financial rock and hard place in our early 20s. I guess I consider it one of the rites of passage. And we all wiggled our way out, in some form. It is a good learning, a good growing experience for us. It builds character and teaches us how to be "grown ups" with our paychecks.
However... I have to agree with most of what this article says.
a) for real? racking up 100K in undergraduate debt is insanity. Kids (and parents, if they are ponying up for a portion) have the personal responsibility to select whatever school they can afford. This is yet another example of, I'll just delay paying for something I really cannot afford... which is perhaps a worse American epidemic than obesity.
b) student loans aside... take some individual accountability. Credit cards aren't evil; they just are. Know what you are signing your name to. Educate yourself. If you rack up 3K on a stereo, new skiis and spring break... well, you signed each and every credit slip. This employs rules #2 and #3 ... the best way out is through, and take personal responsibility for your life. If you have made a mistake (my God, we're all human, we all do it)... own up to it. Get a second job; cut your living expenses; whatever.
c) I love the line quoted in this article about living in your parent's house not being "sexy". Well, Scooter... perhaps you should worry about your credit score more than you worry about getting laid. I don't know; just me, but when you do finally get a girlfriend, and you want to get married and buy a house, I'm guessing she isn't going to find a man who cannot balance his checkbook and refuses to stop living beyond his means real sexy, either. Unless, of course, you both racked up hundreds of thousands of debt going to schools you couldn't afford to drink beer and sleep through your first class (come on, we all did it.) In which case, enjoy the American dream of constantly paying bills which will never disappear.
d) At some point, as a parent, I believe the grown ups have the responsibility to teach our kids about finances. Show them how to balance their bank account. Teach them (demonstrate to them) how to practice moderation. Give 'em a practice credit card. Whatever it takes. Do this before they go to college; because as we know, college is that magical place with all the privileges and none of the responsibilities of adulthood. When it makes sense, I'm going to candidly talk with Paige about this stuff. Explain the financial mistakes I have made (we've all made a few). Show her how I learned to do it right. And if she moves back into the basement at 23, well... I guess it's time for the refresher course.
29.11.06
News from the green portion of my brain
Reasons I want a subscription to NEED magazine:
a) most of you know I'm a magazine addict. Mostly because it gives me something to do in the bathtub, on the treadmill, or at the cabin.
b) this makes the green party in me real proud to be a native Minneapolitan.
aside: I want Santa to leave this under my tree.
a) most of you know I'm a magazine addict. Mostly because it gives me something to do in the bathtub, on the treadmill, or at the cabin.
b) this makes the green party in me real proud to be a native Minneapolitan.
aside: I want Santa to leave this under my tree.
28.11.06
The Sarah Green Rules for Living
(disclaimer: I'm blog-happy today. This is what happens when I'm in a writing mood and waiting for work to come back to me so I can actually accomplish something.)
OK. The Sarah Green Rules for Living have been brewing for a good, long time now... thanks to many a thinker, a decent amount of life experience, and a little help from the people in my life I hold dear, I think I've got a good set (OK, at least a starting point) of basic concepts I apply to make life (more) bearable.
Rule #1: Chase your happy.
Alright. I haven't been around for 100 years or anything, but in the meager years I have been around, I have learned perhaps the one thing we all want to do, and usually do not, is chase our happy. We take jobs we don't want because it would be too hard to do what we want to do. We stay in crappy relationships because it's easier than being alone. We live in places we don't like, we drive cars when we'd rather walk, we choose the salad when we want the steak.
Screw it, folks. Chase your happy. After all, we're only here for a few short moments... why not maximize delight while we're around?
Rule #2: The best way out is through.
Thanks to Robert Frost for this one. When we do not chase our happy, or otherwise find ourselves in crapola situations (sometimes we make them ourselves and sometimes crapola is just hoisted on us), the best way out is to bear down and live through it. There often aren't any shortcuts to enlightenment or growth. But living it is always worth it. You come out on the other side polished by the fire, a little stronger, a little more honest with yourself, and perhaps just a little more tempered for it.
Rule #3: The only person respsonible for your life is you.
We spend so much of life trying to attach responsibility for situations to others...
Rule #4: Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes.
I owe this one to a quote, as well. I can't remember who said it, but I'm doing my best here to avoid plagarism. Anyway, this rule is about honesty. Always being candid (though respectful) with and to others... and also candid and respectfully honest with yourself. Even (and perhaps especially) when it is difficult. The feedback you get in a shaking voice might just be the feedback you most need to attend... even if it is your own.
Rule #5: When you can't change it, learn to laugh with it.
Here's my modern, non-AA take on the serenity prayer. The Cliff Notes version: Change what you can. Don't bother trying to change the things you cannot. Instead, find the humor - the lesson - the whatever, in those things you cannot control. And just embrace that life IS. No judgements -- not good or bad -- just IS.
Rule #6: Excuses are like a*holes.
Thanks to Dad for this one. I remember when I was in junior high and got a not-so-hot grade in typing (you'd never know this now that I type nearly 80 wpm, thank you, lifelong career writing on a PC), I started making excuses (this may correspond to rule #4 closely) for my outcomes. Dad immediately stopped me. Sarah, he said, I want to tell you something important. Excuses are like assholes. Everyone has one, and no one wants to know about yours.
Oh.
Well, he's right. That's exactly what excuses are. So I don't make them (or, I try not to. I am imperfectly human... though that's sort of an excuse in itself. Crap.)
Rule #7: Relatively deep love brings about relatively deep heartache.
Credit to Great-Grandma Alice here. While working through the why, oh why do my parents hate each other so bloody much, as a 10-year-old, I remember Grandma Alice telling me:
Rule #8: We are all inherently lazy.
That's right: humans are inherently lazy. I know this sounds negative -- but it's not; it is a simple matter of psychology. Our gray matter is hard-wired to take shortcuts, to get someone else to do it for us, to make generalizations and categorizations. I (we) should remember that, especially when we're at that "people are idiots/mean/bad/etc" place (as I often get while driving through Milwaukee). It isn't personal. We're all just lazy.
Rule #9: You never regret going above and beyond the call of duty.
Another Dad-ism. As Dad was rearing teenage Sarah, the one thing he lectured the crap out of was work ethic. Doing your best. Doing more than what is expected. Going beyond people's expectations. We were sitting outside, where the pine trees used to line the boulevard at home in Elbow Lake, and the sun was nearly setting. Dad was a bit disappointed in the less-than-acceptable job of lawn-mowing I had completed. I remember him saying:
Rule #10: Create something beautiful every day.
I'm going to mostly thank Paper Source for this one. Well, at least for its roots, as the Paper Source slogan is "do something creative every day". Well, yah, but for me, personally, it goes beyond that. I always feel most accomplished and fulfilled when I hit the pillow if I have made something beautiful that day... creative, sometimes... but sometimes it might be a beautiful conversation, or a nice arrangement of words on this blog or in a journal, and sometimes it's just the beauty of raising my daughter to be an intelligent, spunky, indepdenent grrl. But it is about finding and contributing to the beauty in my world, every single day. Because if not for the beautiful - the art, the music, the words, the relationships - what do we have to relish in life?
OK. The Sarah Green Rules for Living have been brewing for a good, long time now... thanks to many a thinker, a decent amount of life experience, and a little help from the people in my life I hold dear, I think I've got a good set (OK, at least a starting point) of basic concepts I apply to make life (more) bearable.
Rule #1: Chase your happy.
Alright. I haven't been around for 100 years or anything, but in the meager years I have been around, I have learned perhaps the one thing we all want to do, and usually do not, is chase our happy. We take jobs we don't want because it would be too hard to do what we want to do. We stay in crappy relationships because it's easier than being alone. We live in places we don't like, we drive cars when we'd rather walk, we choose the salad when we want the steak.
Screw it, folks. Chase your happy. After all, we're only here for a few short moments... why not maximize delight while we're around?
Rule #2: The best way out is through.
Thanks to Robert Frost for this one. When we do not chase our happy, or otherwise find ourselves in crapola situations (sometimes we make them ourselves and sometimes crapola is just hoisted on us), the best way out is to bear down and live through it. There often aren't any shortcuts to enlightenment or growth. But living it is always worth it. You come out on the other side polished by the fire, a little stronger, a little more honest with yourself, and perhaps just a little more tempered for it.
Rule #3: The only person respsonible for your life is you.
We spend so much of life trying to attach responsibility for situations to others...
My boss doesn't like meBlah blah blah. Ultimately, Scooter: you are an adult and you make your own choices. That includes the choice to be either delighted or repulsed about life. You can either grumble about the state of your life or you can unceremoniously just do something to change it. I have found that once I took responsibility for my own life -- took matters into my own hands and just owned my personal responsibility for things -- life looked immediately brighter. I also had to lean a lot more heavily on Rule #2, but at least I was in charge. That allowed me to employ Rule #1 a lot more often. Which ends up being wicked sweet.
My landlord is out to get me
My ex is a jerk
My parents really screwed up
Rule #4: Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes.
I owe this one to a quote, as well. I can't remember who said it, but I'm doing my best here to avoid plagarism. Anyway, this rule is about honesty. Always being candid (though respectful) with and to others... and also candid and respectfully honest with yourself. Even (and perhaps especially) when it is difficult. The feedback you get in a shaking voice might just be the feedback you most need to attend... even if it is your own.
Rule #5: When you can't change it, learn to laugh with it.
Here's my modern, non-AA take on the serenity prayer. The Cliff Notes version: Change what you can. Don't bother trying to change the things you cannot. Instead, find the humor - the lesson - the whatever, in those things you cannot control. And just embrace that life IS. No judgements -- not good or bad -- just IS.
Rule #6: Excuses are like a*holes.
Thanks to Dad for this one. I remember when I was in junior high and got a not-so-hot grade in typing (you'd never know this now that I type nearly 80 wpm, thank you, lifelong career writing on a PC), I started making excuses (this may correspond to rule #4 closely) for my outcomes. Dad immediately stopped me. Sarah, he said, I want to tell you something important. Excuses are like assholes. Everyone has one, and no one wants to know about yours.
Oh.
Well, he's right. That's exactly what excuses are. So I don't make them (or, I try not to. I am imperfectly human... though that's sort of an excuse in itself. Crap.)
Rule #7: Relatively deep love brings about relatively deep heartache.
Credit to Great-Grandma Alice here. While working through the why, oh why do my parents hate each other so bloody much, as a 10-year-old, I remember Grandma Alice telling me:
G: Sarah, you have to remember that relatively deep love brings about relatively deep heartache.'Nuff said.
S: So why love at all, Grandma?
G: Because once you love deeply, you wouldn't trade that deep love for all the heartache you might experience. The deep love makes the risk worthwhile.
Rule #8: We are all inherently lazy.
That's right: humans are inherently lazy. I know this sounds negative -- but it's not; it is a simple matter of psychology. Our gray matter is hard-wired to take shortcuts, to get someone else to do it for us, to make generalizations and categorizations. I (we) should remember that, especially when we're at that "people are idiots/mean/bad/etc" place (as I often get while driving through Milwaukee). It isn't personal. We're all just lazy.
Rule #9: You never regret going above and beyond the call of duty.
Another Dad-ism. As Dad was rearing teenage Sarah, the one thing he lectured the crap out of was work ethic. Doing your best. Doing more than what is expected. Going beyond people's expectations. We were sitting outside, where the pine trees used to line the boulevard at home in Elbow Lake, and the sun was nearly setting. Dad was a bit disappointed in the less-than-acceptable job of lawn-mowing I had completed. I remember him saying:
Sarah, you must remember 4 letters when completing a job: ABCD.And he's right. I never have.
Above and
Beyond the
Call of
Duty.
You'll never regret exceeding expecations.
Rule #10: Create something beautiful every day.
I'm going to mostly thank Paper Source for this one. Well, at least for its roots, as the Paper Source slogan is "do something creative every day". Well, yah, but for me, personally, it goes beyond that. I always feel most accomplished and fulfilled when I hit the pillow if I have made something beautiful that day... creative, sometimes... but sometimes it might be a beautiful conversation, or a nice arrangement of words on this blog or in a journal, and sometimes it's just the beauty of raising my daughter to be an intelligent, spunky, indepdenent grrl. But it is about finding and contributing to the beauty in my world, every single day. Because if not for the beautiful - the art, the music, the words, the relationships - what do we have to relish in life?
Vote for rock; rock the vote? Whatever...
And, in a preview of the highly unanticipated and entirely biased best of 2006 list I relish subjecting my loyal readers to each and every year, my votes went for:
Art Brut | Bang Bang Rock & Roll
Johnny Cash | American V: A Hundred Highways
Cat Power | The Greatest
Cursive | Happy Hollow
The Decemberists | The Crane Wife
Drive-By Truckers | A Blessing and a Curse
Editors | The Back Room
Gnarls Barkley | St. Elsewhere
Gomez | How We Operate
The Hold Steady | Boys And Girls In America
I Love You But I've Chosen Darkness | Fear Is On Our Side
Ok Go | Oh No
Outkast | Idlewild
P.O.S. | Audition
Psalm One | The Death Of Frequent Flyer
Snow Patrol | Eyes Open
The Strokes | First Impressions of Earth
TV On The Radio | Return To Cookie Mountain
The Walkmen | A Hundred Miles Off
M. Ward | Post-War
voice your rock and/or roll opinion and vote on the current's website (follow the link in the title. Could I have made this any easier?)
27.11.06
The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself
Damn Mark Twain for being so right so much of the time.
There is an ongoing thread in 2006, about how Sarah gets back to the comfortable place where being Sarah is like wearing your favorite jeans and not like interviewing for a job you don't really want.
The thread goes like this:
a) Sarah says, enough of this BS. I gotta go find me if I'm ever going to be a good Sarah, good mom, good friend, good whatever.
b) Sarah taps her inner Maya Angelou to do things she never thought she'd do: drive a moving truck -- by herself, get her own place, make new friends, stake out some independence.
c) Sarah realizes that it's super-fun to hang out with her friends and go to work and play with her little girl at the neighborhood wading pool, but is eerily aware that she's not eating and only getting 4 hours of sleep a night because it's just too foriegn to be alone.
d) Sarah avoids being alone like the plague, because it's just too lonely in there when you aren't comfortable with yourself.
e) Sarah realizes she needs to get to know herself. Sarah proceeds to take self out on dates... quiet walks around Harriet, a solo trip to the record store, Dunn Brothers and the Sunday Strib on the front porch.
f) Sarah starts doing stuff she's never, ever done before... taking road trips on her own, talking to total strangers, buying a car by herself
g) Sarah continues to have awkward getting-to-know-you moments with herself.
h) Sarah realizes one day she has a pretty clear idea of who she is and drafts the uncompromisables.
i) Sarah starts wading through an upside-down world, and anticipating anxiety, instead finds strength and comfort inside herself.
j) Sarah realizes she's found comfort in herself again.
k) Sarah realizes the truth in the matter: Dad was right, life turns over at least 4 times in your 20s. This is time 4 , and Sarah couldn't be happier about the results.
l) In spite of ongoing and upcoming challenges, Sarah is hopeful, because she has the Sarah... and the Sarah is all she needs to make it work.
There is an ongoing thread in 2006, about how Sarah gets back to the comfortable place where being Sarah is like wearing your favorite jeans and not like interviewing for a job you don't really want.
The thread goes like this:
a) Sarah says, enough of this BS. I gotta go find me if I'm ever going to be a good Sarah, good mom, good friend, good whatever.
b) Sarah taps her inner Maya Angelou to do things she never thought she'd do: drive a moving truck -- by herself, get her own place, make new friends, stake out some independence.
c) Sarah realizes that it's super-fun to hang out with her friends and go to work and play with her little girl at the neighborhood wading pool, but is eerily aware that she's not eating and only getting 4 hours of sleep a night because it's just too foriegn to be alone.
d) Sarah avoids being alone like the plague, because it's just too lonely in there when you aren't comfortable with yourself.
e) Sarah realizes she needs to get to know herself. Sarah proceeds to take self out on dates... quiet walks around Harriet, a solo trip to the record store, Dunn Brothers and the Sunday Strib on the front porch.
f) Sarah starts doing stuff she's never, ever done before... taking road trips on her own, talking to total strangers, buying a car by herself
g) Sarah continues to have awkward getting-to-know-you moments with herself.
h) Sarah realizes one day she has a pretty clear idea of who she is and drafts the uncompromisables.
i) Sarah starts wading through an upside-down world, and anticipating anxiety, instead finds strength and comfort inside herself.
j) Sarah realizes she's found comfort in herself again.
k) Sarah realizes the truth in the matter: Dad was right, life turns over at least 4 times in your 20s. This is time 4 , and Sarah couldn't be happier about the results.
l) In spite of ongoing and upcoming challenges, Sarah is hopeful, because she has the Sarah... and the Sarah is all she needs to make it work.
a(nother) regular dose of random
the short list of things I'm digging right now:
flickr
reconnecting with family
turkey leftovers (I swear on my life I'll brine my bird til the day I die)
falling asleep on the couch to Braveheart
music karma for the jerk neighbor
the roadtrippin playlist
the commission for a custom wedding dress for a dear friend
finally... being home, finding peace in myself
an upcoming facial at Aveda
the lure of a Musical Movie Night sometime in the bleak midwinter
Taking a page from the Paigemonster playbook (I can do it all by myself...)
Closure, closure, closure
35 days left in 2006 (to quote the Mountain Goats, I am going to make it through this year if it kills me)
flickr
reconnecting with family
turkey leftovers (I swear on my life I'll brine my bird til the day I die)
falling asleep on the couch to Braveheart
music karma for the jerk neighbor
the roadtrippin playlist
the commission for a custom wedding dress for a dear friend
finally... being home, finding peace in myself
an upcoming facial at Aveda
the lure of a Musical Movie Night sometime in the bleak midwinter
Taking a page from the Paigemonster playbook (I can do it all by myself...)
Closure, closure, closure
35 days left in 2006 (to quote the Mountain Goats, I am going to make it through this year if it kills me)
20.11.06
urbanwanderlust marks toddler milestone
urbanwanderlust turns 2 today. (neato, huh?)Does this mean the blog will start sassing me?
Have regular temper-tantrums?
Refuse to toilet-train?
Oh wait. That was the other 2 year old in my life...
15.11.06
13.11.06
Chasing Happy
I’m amazed every day (and a little sad) that I have spent so much time unhappy when there’s so much happy to be found out here in the world. All I had to do was take my scared, put it away, and go chase my happy.
Ready or not, here I come.
Ready or not, here I come.
7.11.06
thought-provoking
Growing up in a family divided, both by divorce and differences in perspective, I have spent significant time in my life trying to make sense of the Christian message that God is Love; yet, homos and prostitutes and addicts are bad and unlovable (I don't buy this, by the way. I simply am regurgitating the tapes that I heard played over and over again in the ultra-conservative, fundie church in which I was raised.)
As a teenager, I moved to a new home and started attending Catholic church. Now, far be it from me to misrepresent here... I don't think organized religion is perfect. And I honestly haven't found one that fits me, perfectly. But the Catholic experience was so different (and yet, in many ways, similar) to the Fundie Conservative Church of America... I don't know. I don't actually have a "one is better than the other" statement to make here.
This is what makes me want to wear a button that says, "Ask me about my ongoing faith identity crisis."
The linked article in Salon does sum up nicely some of the thoughts I have on faith -- including whether that Fundamentalist wing I remember from the early days of my upbringing will start opening their minds a bit, or if the much-balleyhooed uproar in the Evangelical church will just send the Evangelical organization further into its phobias (by the way, Evangelicals... Jesus totally hung out with the prostitutes, tax collectors, and other scandalous people of the world. And he ate with them and talked with them and just loved on them. So, lesson learned, all ye literal interpretors of scripture...)
As a teenager, I moved to a new home and started attending Catholic church. Now, far be it from me to misrepresent here... I don't think organized religion is perfect. And I honestly haven't found one that fits me, perfectly. But the Catholic experience was so different (and yet, in many ways, similar) to the Fundie Conservative Church of America... I don't know. I don't actually have a "one is better than the other" statement to make here.
This is what makes me want to wear a button that says, "Ask me about my ongoing faith identity crisis."
The linked article in Salon does sum up nicely some of the thoughts I have on faith -- including whether that Fundamentalist wing I remember from the early days of my upbringing will start opening their minds a bit, or if the much-balleyhooed uproar in the Evangelical church will just send the Evangelical organization further into its phobias (by the way, Evangelicals... Jesus totally hung out with the prostitutes, tax collectors, and other scandalous people of the world. And he ate with them and talked with them and just loved on them. So, lesson learned, all ye literal interpretors of scripture...)
vote early, vote often.
As many (fingers crossed, all of my readers) of you have or will do today, I took to my local polling place this morning, Dunn Brothers in hand, to a) register (this happens when you move) and b) vote my conscious. (I'll save the rant about "the vote for an independent is a wasted vote" argument for a later date.)
I was really priviledged to have Paige along with me when I voted today. Not only is she becoming such a young lady -- a little tiny citizen of the world -- it was just bloody cool to be able to have her participate in something so very American.
Is our policital system broken and ugly and wholly imperfect? You bet. Am I positive about the state of my country? Not particularily, no.
But as Paige helped me color in my circles this morning, as she fed the ballot into the counting machine, (Mama! Look! That machine ate our picture!) I was distinctly reminded that no matter my personal political (or lack of political) vantage point, I have the honor and responsibility of demonstrating to the next generation the importance of voting your conscious and making your voice heard. I told Paige today:
Momma: Paige, it is important that you always speak your mind. Even if you are speaking amongst thousands of other people, you need to speak up for the things you believe in. OK?
Paige: OK momma.
(pause)
Paige: Momma?
Momma: Yes, Paige?
Paige: (giggles) I just farted.
Well, she isn't ready to join the Kids for Nader movement just yet... but we're working on it.
I was really priviledged to have Paige along with me when I voted today. Not only is she becoming such a young lady -- a little tiny citizen of the world -- it was just bloody cool to be able to have her participate in something so very American.
Is our policital system broken and ugly and wholly imperfect? You bet. Am I positive about the state of my country? Not particularily, no.
But as Paige helped me color in my circles this morning, as she fed the ballot into the counting machine, (Mama! Look! That machine ate our picture!) I was distinctly reminded that no matter my personal political (or lack of political) vantage point, I have the honor and responsibility of demonstrating to the next generation the importance of voting your conscious and making your voice heard. I told Paige today:
Momma: Paige, it is important that you always speak your mind. Even if you are speaking amongst thousands of other people, you need to speak up for the things you believe in. OK?
Paige: OK momma.
(pause)
Paige: Momma?
Momma: Yes, Paige?
Paige: (giggles) I just farted.
Well, she isn't ready to join the Kids for Nader movement just yet... but we're working on it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
