All things Great and Small

-- (psst: as much as I proclaim it, I'm not actually a Goddess. Here's my thoughts on Higher Power) --

"Name, please."

"Where am I?"

"Is that your given name?"

"No, no. My name is Georgia. Where am I?"

"Do you have a last name, Georgia?"

"Uh, yah. Churchill. Georgia Churchill. What is this place?"

"Eternity, honey. Welcome to it."

"You have to be kidding. I'm in Wisconsin."

"No, nope you are not. You were in a head-on collision with big rig hauling chickens west on I-90. Tsk. A real shame. Killed on impact."

"So..."

"So this is where your soul goes. Call it heaven, call it limbo, call it Hell. Here's where we go."

"Everyone's here?"

"Oh, no. Only instantaneous deaths. The Big Man doesn't know what to do with us, so He sticks us here."

"Wisconsin?"

"No. Eternity. Here."

"Ok. Well, then. Uh, what do you do here?"

"Not much, really. Line dancing lessons every Tuesday, there's a knitting circle. You can learn to churn butter if you're so inclined. We have a great selection of cheeses..."

"I AM in Wisconsin!"

"No honey, now I know that this might be hard for you to accept, but for the last time... you... are... dead. DEAD. Wisconsin's back in the world of the living. This is Eternity."

"Are there cows here?"

"The ones who have died instantaneously."

"See? Cows. Wisconsin."

"No. Instantly dead cows. Eternity."

"Do you have a football team?"

"I don't know. That's not my department."

"Well, whose is it?"

"Bill. He's three pastures over."

"Can I talk to him?"

"Sure. I'll send a b-mail and let him know you're on the way."

"Don't you mean e-mail?"

"No, honey, b-mail. Bovine-carried letters."

"Christ, this is Wisconisin...""