that's what I like about you

true confessions of a city girl:

I hate December. It gets dark too early, it's cold, and lately, it's ugly. It wasn't so bad when I was a child... we actually had this thing called "snow" back then, and we used to do these foreign activities like "sled" and "ice skate", until it got dark.

But it has been alternately gloomy and rainy, or strangely 50 degrees, and I am off-kilter entirely. I don't have my snow, and as a native Minneapolitan, I am shook to the core. I am not sure how to embrace the holiday spirit without having to shovel.

Also, having spent one too many years working for a giant retail megamonster, I rather rue shopping for gifts. So I try to make mine, or buy indie. Which, I have done some of each... but this is hard to do when you are the proud owner of a preschoooler. Preschoolers are horrible little creatures who are easily gobbled up by Nickelodeon Marketing. Everything is Dora and Disney Princesses. Ooh, I think I threw up a little just typing that. Retail in December is horrible. I buy extra dishwashing soap right before Thanksgiving so I don't have to go to Target at all, if I can help it, til after New Years. Struggles ensue, however, when said preschooler I acquired 3.5 years ago wants Disney princess roller skates and a pony. Damn. I can't knit either of those things. My santa cover is totally blown.

All that to say: this December's making me grouchy.
Which I mentioned to Barbara.
To which she said: make a list of all the things you are proud of in 2006.

So, drumroll please... as a cure to grump, here goes.

1) I am proud of Paige… she has evolved from a toddler to a pre-schooler nicely, and it is good to see in the face of adversity she can still shine, adapt, and grow. I know she’s struggling, but I also know she’s handling this divorce better than I handled my parents divorce.

2) I am proud of my work. I took on projects I never dreamt I would do before I was 30, and handled them successfully. I traveled on my own, I worked with some high-powered and important people in the business world, and I got things done. And learned a lot in the process.

3) I am proud of my education. I’m pulling down a 4.0 in my program and have just one class to go. I feel god about the work I did on my thesis (even though it’s changed 100,000 times) and I am feeling really good about being done in May.

4) Probably most importantly, and for the first time in a really long time, I am proud to be myself. I have done so much work on my self-image and self esteem … a lot of soul-searching… taking myself out on dates… defining the Essential Sarah… tapping what Diana calls my inner Maya Angelou and finding strength in myself I didn’t know I had. Getting divorced SUCKS… and I hope no one I know ever has to go through it … but it is going to be so worth it. It already has been. For the first time in my life, I am comfortable just sitting in my own company. Damn, for the first time in my life, I think I am cool, and smart, and funny, and beautiful.

5) I am proud of my relationships. Relationships are fundamental to who I am, being both an extrovert and an intuitive. It was damned hard to weed my relationship garden over the last year … to find the relationships that were poisoning me and the relationships I wanted to keep… and it was tenuous. But here I am, and I am so pleased with what has become of my friendships. And my family! I have my family back… and the great thing is that they welcomed me back with open arms.

Other items of note:
Proud that I was able to travel to Europe this year.
Proud of my blog.
Proud of my house.
Proud of my crafting skills and accomplishments.
Proud that I am able to do things myself; that I am no longer scared to be alone.