Fugly Police... for immediate release

BULLETIN -- (for immediate release)
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We have noticed a dramatic increase in fugly infractions here at the urbanwanderlust homebase, and I feel compelled to send out a bulletin.

I'm all over bending the rules (note: black nail polish makes a pretty regular appearance at the
GreenHouse), all over loosely interpeting dress codes, etc. That being said, there are some faux-pas that circumvent the natural spirit of dress-code antiestablishmentism. (See, I go to grad school, and so I can just make up words here.)

Infraction #1: Tall boots, short pants.
I know, I know... this is a "look" for the fall/winter "season".
Shut up. Short pants and tall boots look ridiculous together, no matter who you are or what shape you were made. Tall, short, fat, thin, old, young, anywhere inbetween... it's silly. There is a season for short pants. Here in the midwest, we call that "summer". There is also a seson for tall boots. Here in the midwest, we call that "winter". Now, I'm no meteorologist, but in my limited experience, I have found "summer" and "winter" to be mutually exclusive seasons. We don't have them at the same time. For a reason. Because we don't want to look like we got dressed in the dark (even if, let's be honest now... most of the time we do, November through February).

Infraction #2: Leggings.
There is one part of the population who can pull off leggings: pre-pubescent girls. Once you have grown hips, had a baby, made it through a kegger at college, forget it. Not only that, but please do not wear an oversized sweater -- with a chunky belt-- with those leggings. Honestly, wasn't once with the Breakfast Club look enough for us all?

Infraction #3: The micro-mini. With legwarmer goodness.
I'm actually OK with the micro-mini. At a bar. On Saturday night. In June.
Not:
* At work
* On a morbidly obese woman
* Who refuses to wear support hose
* and instead chooses horizontally rainbow-striped legwarmers

I remember praying yesterday when I spotted this outfit in the cafeteria: please God, I do enjoy my vision. If you have any mercy left in you, do not let her drop something she will have to bend over to pick up while I am behind her in line for water...

Infraction #4: Midriff-baring tops (in the office).
Again... if you have the midriff, and want to show it off, far be it from me to stop you. (I once had a midriff worth baring. I belly danced. That's what those May Goals are all about...)
Allow me to reiterate: I don't have a problem with "bending" the dress code at work. I get away with far more t-shirtiness than I really should. However:
a) Your midriff, whether or not you have it in a washboard state, is not going to contribute to anyone's workplace productivity.
b) Brr. It's freeking cold in this office. I have an extra sweater I keep here. Sometimes I even wear those wimpy little gloves while typing. How does your poor stomach (and lower back) feel all day long, all bare and stuff, in JANUARY?
c) You work in a cube farm. With oodles and oodles of SUV-driving soccer moms and weekend warriors. Who are trying to impress? Save the look for Uptown, sweetheart. It isn't doing anything for you out here in Exoburban Developmentland.