(Quoting Nathan Nordlund. Basically, this was the funniest thing I've read so far this year.)
our squirrel is a bastard, though. he energetically removes the insulation from the space in the roof where the insulation goes, making our bedroom cold, and then tirelessly scratches on the thin membrane of cracking plaster that we call our bedroom ceiling. and then, if his wanting to be warm when it's freezing out isn't obnoxious enough, he goes on and eats the poisoned peanut butter and dies in a remote location of the rafters. The odor, however, is not so remote. Then, because there is a hole in our apartment roof that our landlord will not fix, his bastard friend finds his way into our ceiling and picks up where bastard #1 left off.*
* this whole story is actually an allegory for me (the squirrel) wanting to live within the comforts of the indoors and destroying resources and creating inconveniences for others. All of it is true, except the poisoning part. let this be a lesson to everyone.
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