Funniest thing I've read on Pitchfork in at least 6 months.
Also -- it's my biased opinion that Tapes n' Tapes are the ideal Minnesota summer band. Love those guys.
(additionally, T minus one week from Pitchfork, can hardly believe it's (almost) here. So stoked to show the DTs around my 2nd-favorite city (not to mention the adventure of taking our bikes on the El) next week, spend some quality time with B, N, and Sanne, drink 312 and listen to more indie rock than I can shake a plethora of sticks at.)
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
28.3.07
a penchant for the overtly innappropriate
I realize I'm not a shrinking violet, and I've made peace with that.
But I'm earning a reputation amongst my friends for being overtly inappropriate. Part of me smirks irrespressibly at the thought. The other part of me prays to God I haven't offended anyone.
(consequently, I don't tend to attract the thin-skinned, when it comes to friends... so I'm probably OK. but I still worry...)
That disclaimer in hand, look how well my friends know me.
Diana (welcome back to the Dark, ahem, Blogger side of the world, dear...) sent me this lovely article from the Onion (overtly inappropriate in and of itself).
It was an acute reminder of my days as an MFIP Tier II Employement Specialist (Career Counselor for welfare recipients).
Any of you JVS alums who read my blog will totally know what I'm talking about here. You won't comment, because that would be condoning my inappropriate ramblings about the type of job we had -- but you and I both know there are some scary grains of truth in here, some lines we totally heard on voicemail or objectively documented in a file.
31.1.07
9.1.07
reasons why the ladies' restroom at work is my least favorite type of room
1) honestly. there are plenty of semi-private places to have a mobile phone conversation. the handicapped stall in the ladies' room is never the answer. especially so because I would hate to interrupt your conversation about Tarniqua and her baby-daddy with my flushing.
2) the woman who's always in there at 9:15. She's audibly distressed by her morning goings-on. for the sake of us all, see your doctor. that's not normal.
3) simple rule. if you make a mess, clean it up. No one wants to walk on toilet paper, used hand towels, and I'm not even going to mention what else I find when I walk in there.
4) flushing. it's not a new concept. my guess is you do it at home. why is it problematic in the workplace?
5) speaking of flushing, automated toilets. I personally do not want the toilet to flush on it's own accord. I like to be in charge of that. call me crazy. or at least call me not-a-fan of getting a wet behind when the toilet spontaneously flushes. I am an American. I'm not used to that.
6) automated sinks that don't turn on. automated towels that don't come out. It's just a bathroom. Why all the fancy-smarmyness?
7) stop. putting. your. makeup. on. in. the. restroom. Listen here: it's OK to touch up your lipstick. Or dab on some powder, or whatever. I'm on the girl train with the rest of you. But please don't: pluck your eyebrows, pop pimples, curl eyelashes, apply beauty cream, take out your hot rollers, in the ladies' room at work. It's weird. The rest of us show up (at least mostly) dressed and (generally) properly groomed for the workday. Why do you get special priviledges?
8) Most of us aren't interested in breathing your perfume and/or hairspray fumes when we need to pee. Stop spraying that stuff in public. If I wanted to smell like Jean Nate and Aquanet, I'd have doused myself with it before I left the house (see #7).
9) The doorway of the ladies' room is not the place to discuss Jennifer's promotion, Andrew's performance review, the latest STR report, or which administrative assistant is giving hummers under who's desks. This stuff should be discussed in HR, or at least behind a closed door you don't *think* someone else is going to walk into. Chances of a random stranger overhearing you in the restroom = real damn good.
10) Public restroom toilet paper. 'Nuff said.
2) the woman who's always in there at 9:15. She's audibly distressed by her morning goings-on. for the sake of us all, see your doctor. that's not normal.
3) simple rule. if you make a mess, clean it up. No one wants to walk on toilet paper, used hand towels, and I'm not even going to mention what else I find when I walk in there.
4) flushing. it's not a new concept. my guess is you do it at home. why is it problematic in the workplace?
5) speaking of flushing, automated toilets. I personally do not want the toilet to flush on it's own accord. I like to be in charge of that. call me crazy. or at least call me not-a-fan of getting a wet behind when the toilet spontaneously flushes. I am an American. I'm not used to that.
6) automated sinks that don't turn on. automated towels that don't come out. It's just a bathroom. Why all the fancy-smarmyness?
7) stop. putting. your. makeup. on. in. the. restroom. Listen here: it's OK to touch up your lipstick. Or dab on some powder, or whatever. I'm on the girl train with the rest of you. But please don't: pluck your eyebrows, pop pimples, curl eyelashes, apply beauty cream, take out your hot rollers, in the ladies' room at work. It's weird. The rest of us show up (at least mostly) dressed and (generally) properly groomed for the workday. Why do you get special priviledges?
8) Most of us aren't interested in breathing your perfume and/or hairspray fumes when we need to pee. Stop spraying that stuff in public. If I wanted to smell like Jean Nate and Aquanet, I'd have doused myself with it before I left the house (see #7).
9) The doorway of the ladies' room is not the place to discuss Jennifer's promotion, Andrew's performance review, the latest STR report, or which administrative assistant is giving hummers under who's desks. This stuff should be discussed in HR, or at least behind a closed door you don't *think* someone else is going to walk into. Chances of a random stranger overhearing you in the restroom = real damn good.
10) Public restroom toilet paper. 'Nuff said.
12.12.06
holiday jeer
Ugly Christmas Lights.
(disclaimer: I'm actually a huge sucker for outdoor christmas lights. Tasteful outdoor christmas lights.)
(disclaimer: I'm actually a huge sucker for outdoor christmas lights. Tasteful outdoor christmas lights.)
just one moment please...
I know enough people who work on the phone all day long to know that not only is this funny... it's true.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
