tired

Is anyone interested in hearing how tired I am?
I'm really, really tired.

I'm exhausted from the double-talk and backpedaling.
I'm done with the tiptoeing, the jockeying for position, with politicking and taking sides.
I'm so totally over misrepresentation, not saying what you mean, self-interest and two-faced interactions.

I'm spent when it comes to smiling, to playing nice, to grinning and bearing, to pretending like everything is OK.

Here's what I really want:
I want to hear people's honest opinion. Even if it's offensive. Or mean. Or selfish. Or stupid. Take a stand, be who you are. That means some people may not like you. Or that you are in the wrong relationship. Or the wrong community. Or the wrong educational system. Or the wrong job. Get over it -- that's life.
I want to see leaders, lead. And I want to see respect -- equality -- realism -- relationships -- take priority.
And I want to hear about the common good -- the end in mind -- our ultimate goal. And not about you, or me, or any one individual's petty snips and snats about another individuals' petty snips and snats.

I want to to be a part of something exhilarating -- something bigger than two people battling -- something that makes an impact, that changes our fabric, that shifts our world, even slightly.

But I cannot do that ensnared in a web of self-interest. It's sticky. It's ugly. It's a poisonous trap, and I desperately want out.