Thanksgiving comes early this year

I want to take just a minute today, though it is not yet quite my favorite holiday, to say thanks.

To my friends: you have listened, cried, angsted, advised, encouraged, pointed out my weaknesses and flaws, affirmed my strengths, and guided me to be a better Sarah. I could not have navigated the last year without my dear friends, without your honesty and tough love and support and admiration of me. I told Diana when I moved that I had to draw on the strength of my inner strong black woman – the Maya Angelou that lives inside of me. You all helped me realize Maya was in there, all along. Many of you have been with me on this journey since its inception, in the fall of 2005…. I am proud and delighted to have you, my amazing friends, who have accompanied me on this journey, believed in me, never gave up on the Essential Sarah. I have grown so fond of being me in the last few months – you just cannot even imagine the inner transformation you have helped create, and I am grateful to time’s end for it.

Thank you for your friendship. You each are incredibly dear to me. And I feel like this quote from Heather is so appropriate to begin this new chapter in life, I had to preserve it here:

My will shall shape the future. Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man's doing but my own. I am the force; I can clear any obstacle before me or I can be lost in the maxe. My choice; my responsibility; win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny....

on my list of things I must see and soon:

The Last King of Scotland.
(saw the preview at Little Miss Sunshine. Wholly intrigued.)

more american-as-baseball goodness

Not that I rescind any comments about what is broken in the state of my nation, but baseball is not one of those things.

something to talk about

So this article in Salon seemed appropriate, as I was just having a conversation about drugs and personal responsibility for your actions (and not making the government responsible for your actions.)

Yah.

next stop: AL Central title

My God. I love baseball.

sunshine, lollipops, and kittens. It's monday.

This weekend absolutely nourished me. It had been a helluva week the last week... change at work, some repairs to do on friendships, personal stuff, self-maintenance on my part... oof. Emotionally charged, to say the least. And anyone who knows me, at all, knows that emotions drive a lot of who I am. I like being passionate... I do. But it's killer sometimes, because I generally speaking don't know how to relax, and I get all angsty about things, and I sometimes feel a bit overwhelmed because I experience the world in my heart and not in my brain and... yah, well, it's a growing point for me. I'm learning all about how to use my logical side. And growth is good.

But I digress.

This weekend was a delightful, uproarious, hilarious cacophony of everything that delights me. It's not too often I forego the responsibility of laundry and housecleaning and blah blah blah to just be the Sarah. But I did.

Friday: dinner at Chez Sekhon/Johnson. Stroganoff. Bread Pudding. Liquor. Apples to Apples. Need I say more?

Saturday: Sleeping in (which, we all know, I NEVER do.) Coffee. Breakfast at the Band Box Diner. Farmer's Market (a very cool new one I didn't know about, down near the new Guthrie. A pint at Keegan's. Treehouse Records. Another pint in uptown. Little Miss Sunshine. Nap (what? Sarahs don't nap...). Dinner at Punch. the Cursive show (will review that musicalia goodness in short order). Night cap at Psycho Suzi's. Serious late-night giggling.

Sunday: Sleeping in (again! twice in a weekend! I could get used to this relaxing thing...) Coffee, bacon and eggs. And I'm going to be honest, it was the best. bacon. ever. (Diana, you and I need to discuss this bacon in great detail, as I am almost positive it is the answer to world peace, as you have previously theorized.) Brunch and Bloody Marys at the Triple Rock. A lot of fun, a lot of laughter. Some more relaxation, a little foundation-laying for new friendships, another nap (I'm beginning to see y'all's point on the napping bit), and finally, a big hug and kiss from a beautiful little girl who calls me Mama, and a great rendition of Where the Wild Things Are before bed.

I'm all rejuvenated and life, after charging my own batteries, seems better. A helluva lot better.

pre-order virginity

I never pre-order anything. Generally, I buy stuff when a) I have the dough (credit has gotten me in a bit of a bind in the past, and the philosophy of cash = have it, no cash = I wait, has been very very good to me) and b) the mood strikes me.

But I pre-ordered a new Gomez CD last night, due out October 17th. It's called 5 Men in a Hut.

I am no longer a pre-order virgin. (but... it's Gomez. I can hardly be held to the fire for that...)

Cold Rainy Days, How I Love Thee.

Let me tell you briefly about this perfect morning before I go back to writing a Talent Management course:

• It feels like 39 degrees or so out. Definitely fall. And it's raining, and I think it has been for a day or so now, so it's that damp-cold that gets into your bones. But I'm on my couch, basking in the warm heat of the radiators, drinking my 2nd cup of coffee and enjoying a warm belly-full of McCann's Irish Oats.
• I am still in yoga pants, a tshirt, and hoodie. Yah, it's 10AM. I'm working from home, and I couldn't be more relaxed about it all.
• I've been listening to my party shuffle since 8. And it hasn't been "off" in mood, yet. Nice.
• I'm looking forward to good dinner and good company tonight. Yah!

OK, I'm done now. It's fall, I had a chance to just relax last night, and all is as well as it can be.

cursing intuition

I have come to be known as an intuitive person. Most days, when I am in touch with my Sarah-sense, I have a pretty good read on the pulse of the world. I know when people are happy, stressed, sick of me, exhausted with life... you know. I'm not saying I'm clairvoyant or whatever. That's just silly. What I am saying is that on every psychological or personality or social or whatever test you give me, I end up in the relationship/expressive/ emotion/sensing/other-centered categories. That's what makes me a good candidate for all this psychology stuff I do. That's what makes me good at training and especially consulting, as often I have to intuit what's "really" going on here (and then frame it up so it looks like my client came up with it. It's a fun party trick -- I'll show ya sometime.)

Well, the Sarah-sense is alive and well. I've only been wrong about a few things, and so I overall trust the Sarah-sense entirely. I employ it at work, at home (helps with the toddler-rearing), in relationships. I'm sure it can be relatively annoying for me to constantly doing the, I'm sensing something here, thing, to everyone I know... eh. That's me. Sorry.

But shoot. Shoot, I don't like when I can sense the disappointments, the changes, the icky in life. Because, like all of us, there are times when I just don't want to acknowledge that there's icky in life, I want to focus on what is good and happy and positive and uplifting. And I tend to ignore the "bad thing a-coming" intuition because I want to be positive.

I guess I need to do better at embracing the bad and the good, and realize something really wise Susan just told me: change is pain. but it's not bad. pain isn't necessarily bad, it just is.

Yah.

some stuff I'm learning (yes, I'll accept your comments that I'm crazy.)

I'll preface all this info by saying that I'm taking a sortof underground pilot class as an independent study this semester... it's about using alternative means of healing in the workplace to manage conflict, change, and relationships. Being the open-minded, existential psychology geek that I am, this stuff is fascinating to me. I was especially amazed this morning to read about the svādhiṣṭhāna chakra, which is orange (my favorite color) and also probably my most pronounced characterstics (emotion, creativity, passion.) Huh.

Chakras

Sahasrara

Sahasrara or The crown chakra , is said to be the chakra of consciousness, the master chakra that controls all the others. Its role would be very similar to that of the pituitary gland, which secretes hormones to control the rest of the endocrine system, and also connects to the central nervous system via the hypothalamus. The thalamus is thought to have a key role in the physical basis of consciousness. Symbolised by a lotus with a thousand petals.

[edit]

Ajna

Ajna or The Third eye, is linked to the pineal gland. Ajna is the chakra of time and awareness and of light. The pineal gland is a light sensitive gland, that produces the hormone melatonin, which regulates the instincts of going to sleep and awakening. It has been conjectured that it also produces trace amounts of the psychedelic chemical dimethyltryptamine. Symbolised by a lotus with two petals.

(Note: some argue that the pineal and pituitary glands should be exchanged in their relationship to the Crown and Brow chakras, based on the description in Arthur Avalon's book on kundalini called Serpent Power or empirical research.)

[edit]

Vishuddha

Vishuddha or The throat chakra, is said to be related to communication and growth, growth being a form of expression. This chakra is paralleled to the thyroid, a gland that is also in the throat, and which produces thyroid hormone, responsible for growth and maturation. Symbolised by a lotus with sixteen petals.

[edit]

Anahata

Anahata or The heart/emotions chakra, is related to love, equilibrium, and well-being. It is related to the thymus, located in the chest. This organ is part of the immune system, as well as being part of the endocrine system. It produces T cells responsible for fighting off disease, and is adversely affected by stress. Symbolised by a lotus with twelve petals.

[edit]

Manipura

Manipura or The solar plexus chakra, is related to energy, assimilation and digestion, and is said to correspond to the roles played by the pancreas and the outer adrenal glands, the adrenal cortex. These play a valuable role in digestion, the conversion of food matter into energy for the body. Symbolised by a lotus with ten petals.

[edit]

Swadhisthana

Swadhisthana or The sacral chakra, is located in the groin, and is related to emotion, sexuality and creativity. This chakra is said to correspond to the testicles or the ovaries, that produce the various sex hormones involved in the reproductive cycle, which can cause dramatic mood swings. Symbolised by a lotus with six petals.

[edit]

Muladhara

Muladhara or The base or root chakra, is related to security, survival and also to basic human potentiality. This centre is located in the region between the genitals and the anus. Although no endocrine organ is placed here, it is said to relate to the inner adrenal glands, the adrenal medulla, responsible for the fight and flight response when survival is under threat. In this region is located a muscle that controls ejaculation in the sexual act. A parallel is drawn between the sperm cell and the ovum, where the genetic code lies coiled, and the kundalini. Symbolised by a lotus with four petals.

The following table sets forth some of the properties associated with each chakra:

Chakra	Color	Primary Functions	Associated Element	Symbol
Crown (just above the head) sahasrāra, सहस्रार	white or violet; may assume color of dominant chakra	connection to the divine	space
Third eye ājñā, आज्ञा	indigo	intuition, Extra-sensory perception	time
Throat viśuddha, विशुद्ध	blue	speech, self-expression	life
Heart/Lung anāhata, अनाहत	medium green	devotion, love, compassion, healing	air
Solar plexus maṇipūra, मणिपूर	yellow	mental functioning, power, control, freedom to be oneself, career	fire
Sacrum (Hara) svādhiṣṭhāna, स्वाधिष्ठान	orange	emotion, sexual energy, creativity	water
Root mūlādhāra, मूलाधार	red (indian red or coral red)	instinct, survival, security	earth

It is claimed to be very important to know the right color tone for a specific area because the wrong hue of color can allegedly do different things to the energetic system. Yet different systems differ in the colors they ascribe.

why I continue my love affair with Shakespeare

Perhaps this is the best way to summate how I feel about music. Period.
(I find it even more brilliant that it was penned at least 400 years ago.)

If music be the food of love, play on;
Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting,
The appetite may sicken, and so die.
That strain again! it had a dying fall:
O! it came o’er my ear like the sweet sound
That breathes upon a bank of violets,
Stealing and giving odour.

(from Shakespeare's Twelfth Night, which is, by happenstance, my favorite Shakespearean play.)

it's that time of year...

Where I am once again compelled to ask you, my readers, my family, my friends, to tell our lawmakers what you think about public media. And unlike Christmas, which is one of my favorite times of the year, I'm just slightly annoyed that we once again have to speak up about how valuable NPR and PBS is to this country. But make your voice heard -- please!

_________________________________________________________________

Everyone expected House Republicans to give up efforts to kill NPR and PBS after a massive public outcry stopped them last year. But they've just voted to eliminate funding for NPR and PBS—unbelievably, starting with programs like "Sesame Street."

Public broadcasting would lose nearly a quarter of its federal funding this year. Even worse, all funding would be eliminated in two years--threatening one of the last remaining sources of watchdog journalism.

Sign the petition telling Congress to save NPR and PBS again this year:

http://civic.moveon.org/publicbroadcasting/

Last year, millions of us took action to save NPR and PBS, and Congress listened. We can do it again if enough of us sign the petition in time.

This would be the most severe cut in the history of public broadcasting. The Boston Globe reports the cuts "could force the elimination of some popular PBS and NPR programs." NPR's president expects rural public radio stations may be forced to shut down.

The House and Senate are deciding if public broadcasting will survive, and they need to hear from viewers like you. Sign the petition at:

http://civic.moveon.org/publicbroadca

I need a culinary moment alone

Accidental Hedonist, will you marry me?

I'll be trying this recipe for Butter Chicken (Indian spices and a metric ton of butter. I need a culinary moment alone) very, very soon.

Proud to be a lifelong Minnesotan

Nearly every time I read something Garrison Keillor writes, my chest swells a little with pride. It's good to be a native Minnesotan.

Check out this little diatribe from today's Salon. Mmm mmm good.

I wish the pope had talked to me before he gave his "evil and inhuman" speech that got Muslims so testy at him. I could have told him, "Don't quote some old emperor's thoughts about Muslims unless you're willing to have people confuse his views with yours." You don't tell a Mormon, "My neighbor used to be Mormon and he says it's the weirdest religion since the Incas." He'll give you the hairy eyeball and go off to the temple and start converting your deceased ancestors.

If you're the Holy Pontiff, you should watch what you say, with the infallibility factor and all. You toss out an idea and suddenly people are on their knees repeating word for word what you said. You'd think the pope would have some peeps to tell him this. He can't just put on a pair of Ray-Bans and toss back an appletini and shoot the breeze as if he were Joe Blow from Kokomo. I could have told him that, had he asked.

My advantage is that I'm in Minnesota and it's September, there's a chill in the air, and this makes us smarter. Cold is a stimulant of intelligence. This has been shown time and time again.

If only Ford Motor Co. had spoken to me before admitting publicly that it expects to fall behind Toyota in the near future. The execs must be spending too much time at the beach. That's weenie talk. They should have said, "Market share is not what it's about for us. We know in our hearts that we are making the right cars for America at this time, and we will keep making them no matter how unpopular they are. In the end, we'll be proven right." Walk tall, Ford. Don't cry in the beer. That's my advice. Too bad you didn't ask.

I am an elder, after all, my boyish grin and insouciant manner notwithstanding. I have been around the block. In other civilizations, I would sit cross-legged in my lodge and you people would approach me, bowing, and ask my counsel. You could do this anyway.

And that crazy Rep. John Boehner. He made a speech, asking whether Democrats are "more interested in protecting terrorists than in protecting the American people." He should have talked to me first. The U.S. House of Representatives, in which Mr. Boehner serves as majority leader, is not an institution held in high esteem these days, and before he chucks road apples at Democrats, he should tend to his own business. The House took a five-week summer vacation, came back into session, debated the Abraham Lincoln Commemorative Coin Act, then spent four hours debating a bill to prohibit slaughtering horses for consumption -- horse meat! In this country, horse meat is served only to carnivores in zoos, but various gasbags had to stand up and laud our equine friends, praise their role in the western migration, the U.S. Cavalry, etc.; meanwhile the subjects of immigration, port security, terrorism and the war went unmentioned in the House chamber.

Commemorative coins!!??! The U.S. Mint is still producing pennies, though a penny costs more than a penny to produce (and a nickel costs more than a nickel), and people throw the coins away because they're worthless and a nuisance, and other people don't bend down to pick them up, despite the saying, "See a penny, pick it up, and the rest of the day you'll have good luck," and the Mint keeps cranking out more small change to replace those -- it's deficit spending in action. It's foolishness on wheels. Boehner's majority is helpless to solve this or to deal with the great issues of this country aside from whether to feed Trigger to the lions. And then he hauls off and accuses Democrats of treason. Who is this guy and who is responsible for monitoring his medications?

You want to know what I think? Members of Congress should leave town. Move north to where they can feel the crisp chill breeze of reality. Maybe a place in the middle of the country, along the Mississippi River. Let D.C. keep the Pentagon, the White House, the statuary, the vast marble and granite sheds of the federal bureaucracy, and move our nation's deliberative bodies to a place with a clearer view. There is plenty of land available along the Mississippi, rolling hills, woods, meadows. No need to spend money on a dome and pillars -- just pitch two big circus tents, one for the House, one for the Senate, bring in FEMA trailers for housing, and let's see if we can't get more work out of these people.

Momma-Daughter

These are a bit old, now... from around a month ago? We were in Elbow Lake. But they make me smile, in spite of the small-townness. Mostly because Paige is just so completely perfectly 3-years-old.

The Accidental Hedonist Makes a Point

So, I regularly follow Accidental Hedonist (because food and I have a lifelong, mutually beneficial and gratifying relationship).

She makes a fantastic point today about Spinach and the FDA. Go on now, click on that link...

I like my job. I am a dork.

"You've achieved success in your field when you don't know whether what you're doing is work or play."
(warren beatty)

it's my favorite day of the month.

it's the day when my eMusic account renews and I get 90 more downloads to feed my addiction.
But it's music, not crack... so no worries, right?
(and if you like music, and download, and want to find good, non-mainstream stuff, and aren't already on eMusic... come on, now. Come on!)

Things I added to the repertoire today that I'm really quite stoked about:

Johnny Cash -- the complete Sun recordings, v.1 and 2. this ate about half my downloads for the month, but totally worth it. I can't even say anything about Johnny Cash that would do him any justice. You either get it, or you don't.

Stephen Malkmus -- Pig Lib. I've been after some Stephen Malkmus for a while now, thank you 89.3 the Current... it was time (I mean, I have a list of about 150 artists going right now. And honestly, it's the shortest it has been in a long time... but still, 150 artists.)

Cat Power -- The Greatest. I'll be honest. I've been alternately waivering and lusting on this for some time... but music that isn't completely frenetic, more about songwriting and less about feeling like I'm on speed, is making its way into my life, just like comfort in downtempo moments are. Amazing how your music reflects where you are on life's journey.

Ben Lee -- Awake is the New Asleep. This came home based solely on the genius encompassed in The Bens EP. It's so good, I had to round out my Ben collection. Mmm.

M. Ward -- Post-War. M. Ward is another one of those artists I've been noodling on. Mostly because, again... it's a bit downtempo. But as I evolve, and yearn for quietness and rest... let's be honest. I need a soundtrack for my life (I always have) and so I just needed something more than Bonny "Prince" Billy to listen to when I get all kinds of reflective. And M. Ward is good. And his music feeds the creative beast in me. Rawk.

forward-thinking?

So, am I the only one out there who sometimes buys/downloads albums based on a recommendation, and then... do not initially dig the music, but come back to it at a random point in time later, and it speaks to you?

I'm having that experience this morning, listening to Bettye LaVette.

I am almost never led astray when I purchase an album recommended by The Onion's AV Club. Generally, these are my peeps, and overall we agree. So I read the review for Bettye LaVette... probably in January, as I'm scanning the "best of" lists I regularly obsess over at the end of the year/beginning of new year. And I think, well... I dig bluesy-type music. I dig excellent female vocals. And eMusic has it. So let's give it a whirl.

And I promptly download and never think about it again.

But as I'm processing through iTunes today finding something low-key Sunday to listen to, I play her disc, I've Got My Own Hell To Raise. (and well, yah. I do.)

It's real delicious, and it was perfect for this morning, as I was super-crabby and probably not the nicest person to be around (apologies to anyone who was on the receiving end of that...). A large skim moosed latte and some diva-esque blues later, I'm all kinds of better... amen and amen.

To sleepy Sundays and the blues.

more yummies.

Oooh.
I'm real excited to take a listen after reading the Rolling Stone's review for the Dears' latest.
Yumm, indie music. It's as a good as a chocolate coke.

yumm.

Orangina makes my day.

'nuff said.

thank you, Scott Adams, for consistently creating cartoons that mirror my pitiful corporate existence.

squee

Squee (skwee.) (noun, verb, adverb, adjective.)
1. A feeling of childlike delight, generally directed at something trivial.
2. The sound made when expressing said feeling.
3. The act of being childishly delighted at something generally regarded as trivial.
4. The brief moments I live life for.

I'm digging on squee right now.
a) my class this semester rules. It's all systemic and ethereal and transcendent and experiential. yummers.
b) tuesday night rock shows. my goodness. I hope a really solid guitar inspires as much out of my when I'm 80 as it does right now. It completely makes my life worth living.
c) the new iTunes interface kicks. Now I really feel the need to trade in old sparky here (the 20Gb) for a newer model.
d) fall clothes. I don't know why I'm always giddy as a schoolgirl when I dig out the sweaters and corduroys... reason # 0958372 I am a complete and utter dork.
e) Diana and I are going to take a spinning class. And not that insane exercise stuff... (though at some point in time I wouldn't be opposed to that either)... we're going to learn how to make fibers. I love Crafty Planet.

this makes me a little excited.

The Literary Guide to the World.

My God. Travel and the written word. Could there be anything sexier?

belated 9/11 reflections

I didn't much think about 9/11 yesterday. Except to remember that I had strep throat that day and watched all the news coverage pretty high on penicillin and nyquil.

But this article in Salon from today made me think. And audibly say, Amen! a few times.

more song lyrics that speak to me

This has, been said, so many times that I'm not sure if it matters
But we never stood a chance
And I'm not sure if it matters
If you are the shores, I am the waves begging for big moons (moons)
I’m mailing letters to addresses in a ghost town, no oh.

Your secret's out...

I know this hurts, it was meant to (it was meant to)
Your secret's out and the best part is it isn't even a good one
And it's mind over you don't don't matter.

This has, been said, so many times that I'm not sure if it matters
But it must, be said, again, that all us boys are just screaming
Into microphones for attention
Because we're just so bored (oh, oh, oh)
We never knew that you would pick it apart, oh
I'm falling apart to songs about hips and hearts

Your secret's out...

I know this hurts, it was meant to (it was meant to)
Your secret's out and the best part is it isn't even a good one
And it's mind over you don't don't matter.

I used to obsess over living,
Now I only obsess over you
You tell me you'd like boys like me better
In the dark lying on top of you

This has been said so many times that I'm not sure if it matters
This has been said so many times that I'm not sure if it matters (x2)

I know this hurts, it was meant to (it was meant to)
Your secret's out and the best part is it isn't even a good one
And it's mind over you don't don't don't don't matter

From day one I talked about getting out
But not forgetting about
How all my worst fears are letting out
He said "Why put a new address on the same old loneliness?"
When breathing just passes the time
Until we all just get old and die
Now talking's just a waste of breath
And living's just a waste of death
And why put a new address on the same old loneliness?
And this is you and me and me and you
Until we've got nothing left!

in honor of the tattoo I'm noodling

What Celtic Goddess Are You?

You are Brighid.
Take this quiz!








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whoo moments

So I had a couple of whoo moments this weekend, which I would now like to take a second to document and celebrate.
Lesson learned: It's amazing to come out of a cocoon after 7 years to realize how strong and smart and self-directed you really are.

• Bought a new(ish) car. On my own. No one helped me. I just did it. Now, I didn't get the world's best interest rate. But I still did it *on my own*. All by myself. I am proud.
• I fetched me some low, low-priced pants this weekend. I needed them desperately as I had nothing to wear from this winter... it all went away (I think I was a 16 over last winter... maybe transitioning into a 14.) They are all size 10. I haven't been a 10 since junior high. I am certain, since the 8th grade. I have proven to myself that I can do this. I can be healthy, I can take care of my own body. And I'm worth doing it. And I'm not done... I have 30ish pounds to go. Which means that I'm going to be teensy at some point in time.
  
• I have been relocated for a bit now... and this weekend was the first time I felt like I was coming "home". And when I overslept and missed my Sunday morning walk to Dunn Brothers to get my paper and coffee... I actually missed it. And instead, we went to the Wedge to get groceries in the afternoon... and somewhere down the cereal aisle, it hit me: I bloody *love* city living. I love Minneapolis, I love my place, I love my neighborhoods. I love this city's music and streets and restaraunts and people. I am so, so very home.
• I wrote every single day this weekend. Really good, deep, perfected thoughts that came out slowly and purposefully, and not in fits and starts of frenzied writing inspiration. I love the way my writing self is morphing. I love how disciplining myself to write is creating more meaningful, perfected thoughts.
• I absorbed so much music over the weekend. I went to a show. I spent all day Sunday listening to Ben Folds and Ben Kweller. I could count the times my TV has been on since moving on my fingers. Maybe even on one hand. But my iTunes ranks and play counts are really coming around, getting to be where I want them. Music fuels me, and the more I listen, the more I want. And I'm so thrilled to be getting out to shows, and discovering new (local) music, and rediscovering old loves of music... and wow.
• All this rolls into one whoo: Sarah Green is back. And I really, really like her. She could be one of my favorite people. Ever.
  

aha moment

So that's what it's called.
Stay tuned... I'll be making one of these for me as soon as I can dust off my coding skills.

Preach it, Bill Maher.

I don't like to get terrifically political... really.
But, in light of life these days, I feel a bit compelled to ramble politically for just a moment.

I'll be plain: I'm a pacifist. I don't think fighting, war, killing other people is ever the answer. Go ahead and own a gun, that's fine. If you shoot something, you better be eating it and using its hide for a resourceful purpose. And please don't eat or shoot people. I think that's really pretty wrong.

Our American political climate these past 5ish years has not been one of pacifism (generally, America isn't known globally as the pacifist nation, anyhow...) and so I grow increasingly uncomfortable calling myself an American knowing that this country looks to the rest of the world to be real keen on being "the bomb people". Ew. I don't like being categorized as the bomb people.

So this article in Salon by Bill Maher totally resonated for me. Preach it, Bill.

serendipity

Serendipity is my favorite word. I think it has been since the first grade.
It all started when I read this kids book... it was a Serendipity Book. Serendipity Books are an adorable little children's series that each have a little moral lesson in them.
So the Serendipity Book I fell in love with was Muffin Dragon, and the moral lesson in that one is: when we work together, there's more to share.
The whole point is to teach kids to "deal with the challenges of the world, providing them with positive solutions to difficult problems." (yah!)

At any rate... after getting this book from the library, I asked Mom what Ser-en-dip-i-ty meant. (and frankly, I thought it was real cool that it sounded so much like my name.) So we got it all defined... serendipity is essentially, finding something you didn't know you wanted or needed when you weren't looking for it (or very often, looking for something else.)

I have significant faith in serendipity. The best things I have ever had, I have stumbled upon in the midst of looking for something completely different. This holds true for me when I was 8, and now... looking a very different me at nearly 28 right in the face. I'm feeling real down today, a little discouraged about all life has thrown at me (including how many changes I have chosen to make) and how, while I consider myself a strong in an exceptional way, I am exhausted and feel weak.
But at these times, serendipity seems to work its way into my life, and I find things I'm not looking for... almost like they were looking for me.
I find comfort in odd places.
I find people who mesh with where I am, even if I'm not sure where I am.
I find contentment and peace in strange nooks and crannies of my life, even admidst the chaos.

The serendipity in my life right now is finding a place in my world that's drama-free. And finding a philosophy that living drama-free is IT. I wasn't looking for drama-free... I hadn't even thought about it, because there's a lot of turmoil right now. But what I've found are pockets of my life that now lack drama... that hour I read before I sleep. Mealtimes. Getting ready in the morning. And I can sort of sense that while its all a monkeyjumble right now, drama-free is the light at the end of the tunnel.

I'm delighted by finding the unexpected while I'm looking for something entirely different. And I anxiously anticipate more serendipitousness. It's one of the greatest delights in my life.

reviews of random goodness

etsy.
it's eBay for indie-crafty goodness. sigh. Guess what? If I don't make your christmas gift this year, you better believe it's coming from etsy.

diet lipton green tea.
this stuff is my new crack. Oh, and it's good for you. Find some. Drink some. Be one with the green tea.

meebo.
this is a very cool instant messaging aggregator that is web-based. Which means chat at work is possible. Now, if I can convince my co-workers (especially those who are remote) that we need this... it'd really rock.

Placebo's new song, Infra-red.
This is not at all my normal style of music. But I lovelovelove this song and I sing like a freak when it's on the radio. It's angry, and I'm too busy dealing with life right now to be angry... but some angry listening (and bad radio karoke) is a good enough outlet for me.

Great Harvest Bread Company's cinnamon roll.
oh. my. god.
they are huge, they are sweet, they are made with whole wheat.

brown corduroy pencil skirts.
I am a sexy fall babe. 'nuff said.

whoa.

so I am establishing a(nother) blog, dedicated to getting myself into the discipline of really writing something meaningful every day (it's an internal challenge, and part of this process of reclaiming Essential Sarah).
Anyway, I have always kept my childhood journals with me... they remind me of my roots as a writer; they demonstrate how far I have come; and sometimes, they have wise and valuable lessons inside.

Tonight is one of those nights.

Whoa. moment #1:
I've been reading the rather juvenile ramblings of the 12-14 year old me (it's gone from uncomfortable to merely amusing in recent years)... and as I read, it dawns on me that as long as I have been writing, I have been looking for someone else to fill this void of "love" in me. and look at the nearly 28-year-old me... still looking to fill this stupid void, and all the while I have looked for another human (OK, let's be real here... a boyfriend, a lover, a whatever) to make it go away. And tonight, I realize something life-altering, perhaps: No person is ever going to fill this gaping, fucking void. It's a hole I either have to patch myself, or alternately, live with, in absence of healing.

Whoa. moment #2:
Check out this note to myself (juxtaposed to my, please love me and make me whole, bent on life...) dated 3 January 1993 (13 years ago, I cannot even believe it. forgive the poor syntax and grammar... I was 14. It's the message in there... I make no claims as to this as a solid piece of writing, because frankly... it isn't.)

it isn't in what you think you want.
it isn't in your conscious loves and desires.
happiness is in your unseen thoughts.
you love the most what you outwardly don't go after,
and if it leaves, you see how much it means.
happiness isn't lots of material possessions
it isn't being the best.

happiness is being your own person, no matter what.

postscript: Tocatta and Fugue in D Minor still inspires me to be an artist.

Sarah says, Read THIS: Hold Fast to Friends

There's something to be said for the blogosphere.
This moved me. And I'm so glad to know there are women out there who understand the real value of our friendships. Not to the devaluation of other relationships... but the point here is true and real: as a woman, having a few deep, strong, true female friendships is sometimes the binding that keeps us a complete story.

freedom

I'm admitting to a real guilty pleasure here... but there's a resonating theme for me in this.
(bonus points if you can a) name the artist and b) not ridicule me for knowing the lyrics.)

I think there's something you should know
I think it's time I told you so
There's something deep inside of me
There's someone else I've got to be
Take back your picture in the frame
Take back your singing in the rain
I just hope you understand
Sometimes the clothes do not make the man