a little puzzle about womanhood

So we recently did the annual "whoo-hoo, we're Irish" all-day pilgrimage to The Local. Beer, fish and chips, more beer... it's all good.

Except that I ran into the most perplexing display in the ladies' room. Like last year, the line for the women's restroom during the evening hours was inexplicably long. And, frankly, irritating when you've been consuming malt liquor all evening. So I FINALLY get in there and frantically do my thing... and I come out to wash my hands to see these two women, obviously eeking past what you would call middle-life, and even more obviously siliconed, botoxed, lifted, nipped and tucked to the nines. Whatever -- it takes all kinds.

But still -- while I wouldn't necessarily cosmetically augment myself til I was more chemical than organic parts -- there was more wrong with the situation then a silicone butt and permasmile.
1) These women were dressed as if they were underage. Like... things I would only see in the halls of a high school. They looked like idiots. Even if they were "I-had-my-stomach-stapled-even-though-there-was-no-medical-reason" skinny.

2) They were blocking the sinks where the rest of us, focused on peeing, then getting back to drinking, were attempting (feebly) to navigate around them so we could practice basic hygeine. And they didn't seem to notice they were in the way. Or singlehandedly testing everyone's bladder strength.

3) These women weren't even WASHING... they were trying to (in a very drunk manner, might I add) put on each other's lipliner. Now, I do OWN 1 lipliner... I wear it when I know I'm going to have my photo taken, or when I'm going for a job interview... and I wore it when I got married. But for St. Patrick's Day? It's going to come off about 4.3 seconds after you put your lips to your drink. And honestly -- the entire bar was too drunk to notice whether or not you are wearing LIP LINER. Give me, and the rest of womankind, a break.

4) Finally... these women were so drunk, so out of it, that they weren't even putting on their unnecessary lipliner in an orderly fashion. They both walked out of the ladies' room (finally) looking strangely like the Joker from a late 80s Batman flick.
Which, honestly... was some sort of strange poetic justice.