Happy F---ing Mother's Day...

Let me tell you: I was LESS-THAN-PLEASED about a couple of phone calls yesterday.

Situation #1: I owed my dad 25 bucks for the saw he brought down to help us with the basement. I was out of stamps, week before last, and just ordered the stamps online because, frankly, the post office isn't really open when I need it to be (and my Dad, of course, doesn't understand why I work in the first place, I should be at home barefoot and pregnant, so he's irritated that I can't just swing by the post office during all my free time to get stamps...) So I get my stamps in the mail last Monday. and then I just stuck the check in with Dorene's mother's day card when I did get stamps; why send two envelopes? I mail all my mother's day cards on Wednesday. He calls me on Thursday to ask where his check is. He calls me on Friday to ask where his check is. He calls me and leaves 6, SIX! %*&!ing messages on Saturday threatening me because the check and the mother's day card didn't come.

I get all these messages on Sunday, of course. Then he calls all nicey poo to wish me a happy mother's day? F___ off.


Situation #2: About an hour later the phone rings. It's Ruth, and she says, I know you guys probably already have plans for the day, but could Deek and I stop over to see Paige?

Uh, no. Hell No. WTF?? Who in God's name do you think you are? Remember two years ago, signed the papers and gave the kid up for adoption? Go the F--- away and, by the way, thanks for ruining my Mother's Day.


I'm about ready to place an ad:
WANTED: Extended family, preferably of Irish/English descent, to adopt intelligent dual-income couple and adorable 2-year-old daughter for holidays, family functions and gatherings. You should enjoy good food, funny stories, travelling, arts, European football, and Finding Nemo. Must be open-minded, loving and supportive. Ability to see beyond your own selfish needs a plus. Will relocate. Please e-mail qualifications to sarahgh@gmail.com. No dysfunctional alcoholic co-dependents, please.